It's New Years Eve

While I'm happy hanging out with family I haven't seen in a year, wish I could go to Atlanta with the group as well.
As for Christmas, I went through a bit of pain this year because so many people had say requests in that special way. I would turn it into a business if it wasn't so painful and people didn't have to be so specific that most would say it wrong and only partially get what they want. I made out well, with new clothes, shoes, a nice bag, a nice planner, subscription to 2 magazines for teachers, and as Asian tea set. My nephews stayed for two weeks and I remembered why I do not want little kids. I created several new recipes and will one day put them all into one big book of yumminess.

The nephews are screaming to me for something, so I must go.


Hope everybody had fun!!!!

I thought last years samhain was interesting. It was nowhere close to some of the stuff that went down this year. Damn near running away from Riverwalk and flatrock at night. The riverwalk had a lot more evidence (though orbs are only energy, a bunch of them means something is going on), but flatrock was just bizarre. I want to go back to flatrock soon and try it in a place that's not so noise polluted, there were car noises in the background, which contaminated much of the audio. It should be done in Jenkins, that place has a lot of vibes in it. Or maybe by the bridge, yeah the one I hate. The flatrock file (I have an actual file on this computer, so I can say that) is too incomplete right now to move to another site. It would be great to get into the Springer one day.


Make your reservations now!

With Samhain drawing close, so does my baking marathon. Though I'm annoyed that I won't be allowed to bake for Thanksgiving, I'll be baking for Yule. The first batch of pumpkin bread comes out on Saturday(3 loaves, claim 1 now). I think I'm going to try a pumpkin roll for Yule, along with a chocolate espresso cheesecake, and maybe red velvet cake. Why am I making plans right now, 2 months in advanced? I needed a break from homework. My mentor is letting me teach a 3 day unit on figurative language and my professor will be in to observe the one on Friday. The good news about it is that I'll be pretty much done with my observations. I still have to work on my outline for Historical Methods(along with that 5 page paper), revise my History of GA paper, and presentations for 3 classes. I guess I should get back to all of that.


An update. yep an update.

So my dad went to Miami for the week and for some reason bugs are just coming from everywhere to the house. I laugh my ass off about it, especially the giant roach that just crawled into the house when Fluffy walked in a half hour ago. Seeing my mom chase a roach with a big container of poison(it's suppose to be outside use only, but we ventilated) was amusing.
I was thinking about quiting Imbis for Winn Dixie, but have decided to stay because the people are too much fun. They reduced my hours a little bit, but I needed it to concentrate on my school work done. School is school, the work is never ending. I did my first lesson plan on Friday. It wasn't as bad as it could've been, but I don't think I'll do group work for the next lesson. They tried really hard to get me to give the answers. They got into it toward the end. Its amazing what asking why will do for students. I don't want to use a reward system, but it seems like that's what they're used to, so it'll either be that or a punishment system and I don't want to do that either. Hopefully, my next lessons will be more exciting instead of this almost review lesson.


Such is the world

How do you tell a person that you had a feeling since last year that a relative probably won't make it the next 2 years?
My mom got a phone call a couple of days ago that an Uncle has cancer and it has spread. This is the same uncle that had me worried since last halloween because my grandma(who's dead and told me this during a silent supper) told me he wouldn't make it the next year, 2 with some luck. As it closed in on halloween, I got my hopes up, that maybe some message got mixed up or something, told a couple of friends, but no family(no point in worrying them). Then the phone call came, which brings the question I posed at the beginning. Should I tell them that they may want to visit him soon and not say why or tell them what grandma said? Would it be best to stay silent?



What would you do if somebody came to you and asked for help and information that nobody else would give? My cousin came to me wanting to learn about pagan religions. I helped her with research and set up guidelines, making sure that she had to face the stuff most kids would find boring and see that this was not like in the movies. I spoke to her like an equal, but gave her information I thought was age appropriate. Despite all of this, my parents are acting like I'm corrupting her, like what I'm telling her is the cause of all her problems. She had a nightmare yesterday night, instead of them thinking may be dealing with stress because she's leaving on Saturday and doesn't like living in New Jersey or because as soon as she gets back she has to get ready for school, they both yell at and lecture me saying that what I'm letting her read is to blame. They even told me to take everything away. The look on her face when I told her that made me feel so bad. I wonder if they even know how bad they look by doing this.


past and future and feelings

I've had really weird dreams and feelings lately. i guess I'll start with the omen. A little less then a month ago a bird flew into the window at the downtown location while I was sweeping outside and died right in front of me. The second I walked in I found out that the downtown would be closed Tuesday, but that didn't feel right, like some more bad news was on the way. As of today, I found out the downtown one is closing down. There was one more, I just can't remember every part of it at the moment, so I'll move on to the dreams.
One of the dreams happened in the medieval time period. I just remember running through a castle in a deep green dress and feeling worried, very worried. Like I was going to miss something, that I didn't want to happen, but didn't want to miss it either. The walls were bare, like we were being either kicked out or moved.
The other dream was the future, like five years or so. Peter was there, I could see him, and Cat was there, I could feel her just behind me. Everybody was excited because it was a reunion of some sort. I heard several names mentioned, Quita's was one of them.
I need to have clearer dreams, I wonder if there's a ritual to help me.



How would you react to a person that either showed up an hour late or didn't show up at all everyday she was on the schedule this past week? How about two people doing that? I was so mad at one of those girls today when she did show up I ended up snapping at her. Starting from the beginning: The girl showed up and hour late(bad), but she called and said she would(OK). She then sliced up doner meet and put it on the grill, so I had to correct her(bad). She went on a smoke break after being at work for only half an hour(bad). I snapped when she decided to get on her phone(non-emergency reason-I wouldn't have mind if it was an emergency) then got an attitude when I ask her(nicely at first) to get off of it. Oh Lords, I had to step away from the cutting board and was about to confront her right there. The owner saved my job, because if she hadn't asked me to help a customer there would've been some nasty words and I know it would've ended with shit being thrown. As I walk out to help, I heard her say "Who does she think she is?" Helped the customer, waited until he left, and told her who I was. The boss saved my job again by physically pulling me out the room and having me sit on the couch. I would quit my job for just one good punch and I say that for very few people, in fact, she's the first. Doubtful that we'll be working together anytime soon, which is said because I think I was the last person able to tolerate working with her.

In all of that anger I forgot to say that I got a new tattoo and a 2005 Chevy cobalt.


Have you ever...

...wanted to honk your horn at the car next to you and say "I don't get your license plate. What are you trying to say?" Maybe I'm just dense or something to think that people should be able to figure out the vanity plates.


What a fucking day...

should've just gone home when the person that was suppose to be working with me showed up 15 minutes late then went straight out the back door to make a phone call. I even called the other restaurant thinking that she may have went there. We were locked out of the office, freezer, Italian ice freezer, and coke machine until about11:30. The lighter we use for the fryer died so we had to borrow one, but that wasn't long enough, so we burned a piece of cardboard to light it. The ice machine refused to make ice, so we had to run next door with a cooler twice. We had no big containers of tzatziki until 12:30, so we were using little cups that were magically prepared yesterday(thank the gods). Did I miss anything? Oh yeah, the girl who was late melted a small hole in a tube connecting water to the tea maker and sprayed water all over the hot electric stuff. Luckily, the hole was small and close to the end and nothing was damaged(thank the gods again). And just to end it right, a young couple came in and started with the googly stare(look into my eyes, they are hypnotic, no?), the girl ended up on the guys lap, then they disappeared for gods know how long only to reappear from the restroom area as I was about to lock up. The owner said that if they weren't out in ten minutes I had to go after them. I didn't keep track of time. There just certain things I don't want to see, especially on a day like today. Aside from that things have been normal. No, I got a drunk call at 1 a.m.(I hope the person responsible feels my evil glare)


Tip please... just a small one?

Wednesday night was wonderful and I wish it could continue forever and ever as it is my only contact with human life outside of work and home. Monopoly kicks ass!
As to the title of the blog, today two large groups(more than 8 people) came in at the same tame and ordered a shit load of food, picky about it too(Philly no onions with unseasoned fries or potatoes cut into small cubes or a salad with lettuce, tomato, cucumbers, and feta only). And we had people come in by themselves as well. A line almost out the door with only 3 people to do it all. We only got $2 tip total, WTF!!!! And that didn't come from either of the large groups. What the hell is wrong with people these days? I understand that tips are optional at my job, but if you could come with a large group, then tip as you would at any other restaurant.
With this on my mind, came home to find out that my bro now has a weekend job at a pizza place. Again, WTF!!!! Sis-in-law takes care of the kids and goes to school, but I know my bro helps with the kids when he's home, he goes to school too and he's in the military, so all the at-home mothers can't be "stay-at-home moms have jobs too". NO! My mom had 2 kids and a job and grandma had 4 kids and a job. A person in the military shouldn't need another job. I hate to say it, but I think he would've been better off if he got the divorce( he talked to me about having regrets before). Now he can't use adultery against her because he took her back. I don't want to be in their vow renewal ceremony because I can't support such a marriage. Bitchy statement, but the way she treats him is angering.
So frustrating, time to go throw daggers at the fence or something.



I worked 13 hours yesterday. An hour of that time was spent setting up a catering at Jordan High School for a bunch of rich people trying to make themselves feel good because they donated less then 1% of their mass fortunes, which few of them actually made themselves, and they look down on me and the people that came with because we didn't dress in damn near ball gowns. I've never felt like a servant until I looked at the snooty looks, like the owners should've given them the food because they are rich and donated this money. I don't understand the concept of poor people having to pay for stuff, while rich people have it thrown at them or are begged to use it or wear it or whatever. The servant feeling didn't last long though. The ones who were also setting up made me laugh about the whole thing.
The rest of the time was spent at the restaurant working with girls who have never worked at the downtown location before, but they were cool to work with and helped a lot. They were sent home and I was going to go an hour later, but Elvis Wade, an Elvis impersonator, decided he wanted a midnight snack. He's a cool guy, he's not one of those that tries to be Elvis 24/7. By the time he leaves and everything is cleaned up, it's 1 in the morning. I go home and can't fall asleep until after 3 and my dad wakes me up to go out for mother's day breakfast at 8. I feel like my mom only had a lukewarm welcome to my mother's day gift because she thinks I bought it in basket form, which I've never done. I bought all the stuff for it, but made the basket in my own way. She holds homemade gifts up higher then bought gifts, especially for mom's day. Go figure.


Fuckin' Awesome!!!!

Renfest was great. It was nice to see Peter again. The most interesting Friday night I've had outside of work in a while and I was just watching the people make the costumes until all hours of the morning. I finally got my corset and a shit load of weapons.

I got home and finished up my bedroom and it's purple and black and spiffy. The black wall is a giant chalkboard, which every visitor must sign. Found out that my manager is a blacksmith and a leather smith and is willing to teach me how to make weapons and armor after he builds the forge he's been working on in his backyard. Elvis Wade(Elvis impersonator) is coming into Imbis Friday and Saturday, so the shop is going to busy. There's another catering job on Saturday along with the CSU graduation. Luckily, the shop is closed for mother's day, which is a good thing considering I won't have another day off until Memorial day weekend. I love this business though. I don't know why, but I do.



Where's the luck?

I went to the emergency room yesterday for a steroid shot after an allergic reaction to something, though I don't know what. I figured the usual laundry detergent issue, so I had to buy some new stuff. My spots and hives are gone, but I constantly feel like I have a lump in my throat and the steroid makes me hungry. I'm not allowed into the gust room or my room until everything gets scrubbed out. It's a problem since I can't clean my room, can't stay in there for too long without getting the lump in my throat, so I'm banned to the living room until such time as the rooms can be cleaned. My dad is going to help me switch my room and the guest room, hopefully cleaning out whatever is causing the problem. Won't be able to do that until Monday(work issues). I feel bad b/c my parents just got back from their anniversary vacation and had to deal with me and my issues. My mom had to spend the night in the hospital again b/c of pancreas issues, but she's home and resting.
In other issues, my digital camera is broken, don't know how or why really, but it sux. I'll buy a new and better one eventually.
Good news is that 2 of my classes are over, 1 ends Monday and I have my last final Thursday morning. I'm going to miss the creative writing class though. There's a dinner with them on Tuesday and everybody wants to stay in touch and write poetry.
I even have the coolest schedule ever for the fall- Monday, Wednesday, Friday only. At least for now, until they finish fixing some of my problems. Poor advisers, I'm going in such a mixed up order, but even with the transfer and all the issues, I should be able to graduate December '08. Only a little behind schedule, but not bad.


Mom is home

My mom is doing fine and got out of the hospital on Wednesday. She only stayed in an extra day because she couldn't eat and became dehydrated. They don't know what was wrong exactly, but they are going to do more tests in a few weeks, just to make total sure that everything is back to normal. My brother brought the crew down and has been hanging out for the week. The boys are little firecrackers. My parents and I took them to Monkey Joes. I ended up being the one climbing through the tunnels chasing the little ones around and feel very achy today. My aunt has had either a cold or some allergies and hasn't really been around. My Uncle... has been a total asshole and I've lost every ounce of respect for him, which was barely there already. He disrespected my mom and her choice of doctors by questioning them relentlessly, my dad not trusting him to look out for my mom's best interests, and my other aunts and uncles by fighting them every time they asked him to back off. One aunt has said that her kids are not allowed to spend the night with him, for fear of getting his bad habits. He even managed to not only disrespect me and my abilities, but to make me feel gross by sitting next to him. In ten minutes, he managed to treat me like I didn't know how to use a search engine and insult half my friends by talking about wanting to beat up a gay guy he saw on t.v. just because the guy looked gay.


Damn it

My dad took my mom to the hospital at 10. He called me a half an hour ago to say that they are keeping her in the hospital for 24-48 hours. She was doing fine when I saw her at work, but she came home in pain. I'm sure most people have either seen or felt the pain I saw in her eyes. We've had a lot of issues with each other, a lot of issues, but she's my mom and I feel like I'm watching her fall apart. She's already needed her gallbladder removed and has had to go to the doctors every month for the past year at least.
Can't help but scream that this is bullshit. She took care of herself and lived a decently healthy life, while people who never gave a crap about their health have a clean bill. I know life isn't fair and all that crap, but it's not just her. My dad's been on pain medicine for years, which increases and decreases with the season, and has a metal rod in his neck. He's been going to the doctors more recently with feet and leg issues. My bro's has been going to the doctor a lot lately as well. He got a mysterious illness that the doctors say he shouldn't get at his age and they're worried it may sterilize him. In addition to his issues at home, his sis called at 2 in the morning and say that mom is in the hospital. He would've been pissed if I waited until morning and told him this started last night. I feel the same way, and am glad I'm home so I didn't have to get the call from dad while hours away. Still got a call, but it was to research possible conditions(wish I didn't, it set me more on edge).
The dog is still on steriods and antibiotics. I have to take her to the doctor sometime next week to see if she needs a refill.
No sleep for the Rodriguez family tonight. Maybe with all of this off my chest, rest will come. It's amazing how things can work in 12 hours. I'm suppose to go to work my last day tomorrow, but I don't feel up to it anymore.



Just a quicky to say I got a job. Nobody in the kitchen knows English. Tips are good though and all mine. It's 5 minutes from my house. One girl has mad it her mission to make me speak fluent Spanish. It's during lunch time only for now, but can be switched to dinner on the weekend.

I got home and found an offer for another job. Everybody speaks English. The tips are shared. It's in the Columbus downtown area. They're nice Greek people and recommended me for another job when they didn't have an immediate opening. It's only open for lunch Monday-Saturday.

No clue what to do, but it feels good to have my options out of my head so the headache can stop.

Oh, for those who care and read this, renfest has been moved to April 28.


Why do I bother?

I was told to present on Tuesday(today) in English Grammar and determined myself to get ready for anything and everything. The students tend to have a lot of questions. Well I was like, I'm not doing a thing until I knew the chapter, giving up Saturday (nerdcon) and part of Sunday(movie day) to this topic, which shouldn't have been so hard. Articles (yes- a, an, the) should not have so much to them! Go into class feeling all prepared and like I can answer anything given, and the group before me takes the entire fucking class period. Damn it the things was only suppose to be twenty minutes long, they take an hour and fucking fifteen minutes and I left knowing less than when I came in. They were presenting articles!!
In more annoying news, my bro can't come down until May now. Blood is thicker than water my ass. I am not getting anymore work done from him this is ridiculous. And they keep coming up with excuses. They don't have enough money to visit my family and fix something he didn't finish like he should've, but they've visited her grandparents 3 times since the whole tattoo thing started. This should've been finished before Christmas. They can't afford gas, yet they've gone to Myrtle Beach. I keep saying I won't get my hopes up this time, but I can't help but to hope. Is it too much to think that I go where I say I'm going and help when I say I'll help, so they should to.
I just wanna go to bed and forget these past 4 days and that I ever had hope.


one day i'll move north- away from the freakish heat

Fluffy is acting like pup again. I'm glad it wasn't the food issue, her pickiness means that she hates the cuts in gravy food. Her stomach looks better now, too. The medicine is doing wonders which is good, we would've had to put her to sleep if it didn't work.
My bro is coming to finish my tattoo next week, which excites me greatly. I was going to get a corset piercing at the same time, but I decided not to at this time for 3 major reasons- 1. I need somebody to help clean it and my parents are going away for a week or so almost immediately afterwards 2. I can't sleep on my back and 3. I need to wear nearly backless shirts, which I only have 2 right now. Maybe in beginning of summer. Getting the tattoo done when they come down means it'll be scabby for renfest, but oh well. I'm excited about renfest and seeing people. It'll be nice to have a semi-filled house. Come if you have nothing to do.
Anyway, yesterday I read little notebooks I kept from CHS. All the students who went should know these books, the forced journal entries dealing with random topics on the whiteboard or music. Then I read the stuff I posted here and thought of things graduates said to me recently, those that barely knew me, not the group. Was I really such a creepy person on the surface and angry? I know I'm quiet and come off a little cold at time, almost hermit-like, but it's hard not to be.


Paranoia revealed

It's been an eventful day today, starting with midnight. I was brushing Fluffy because of boredom and looked at her stomach to see a strange lump, a weird patch of scabby skin, and bald spot. It was really scary to see and feel and, since it was midnight, I couldn't talk to anybody. I cleaned it up and decided to take her to the vets on Monday. She turned ten in October and I'm paranoid about her health, more so than even my own at times. Anything to keep the pup healthy.
Some good news came this morning, before my dad took me to see 300(which was really cool despite some inaccuracies that few would notice). My bro and his family plan on coming down in April, so I can finish my tattoo. I want to have it over with so bad and started on another, though I don't think my bro will be doing it. Maybe if it's small and a guarantee one shot deal. He also plans on renewing the wedding vows in June '08 on a beach in Destin. The scary thing is that his wife wants me to be the maid of honor. I don't even know what comes with the job. Do I have to do a "bachelorette party" since this is vow renewal? Do I have to do a speech? Oh gods, what do I say if this is so? What kind of dress will she pick? I know the color, it's going to be a black dress, but not the style. I hope she takes the advice I gave her seriously because I hold a mutiny if she picks a useless and ugly dress.



Wanna be my friend?

Well, my spring break is almost over and, in the usual manner, it has been very quiet. Except for the storm the Thursday and weekend I spent at Lindsay's Statesboro apartment and with her theatre friends. They're all so cool and close to each other for the most part. I got to hang out at the waffle house on Friday and IHOP on Saturday after the show, which was about a Barbie brought to life by a toxic spill. I liked it in all its cuteness and funniness. We went to Savannah on Sunday and hung out at the mall and the flea market for a little bit. I got my dad a b-day gift. He loves it and plans on giving it a proper place very soon.
I came back to Columbus and thought about my lack of friends and realized I'm doing it again. The isolating thing, I need to join a group on campus and get involved in something. That helped my senior year in high school quite a bit, but it's going to end up that I wait to the last year again before trying to make some friends again. Don't get me wrong, I prefer having a few close friends then a bunch of acquaintances, tried that in one middle school and it ended up hurting more. I dunno, I think too much about these things I guess.


*cough, cough* and thus I've spread my disease to the readers

Daily Grind closed it's doors in Columbus and I became sooo sick(sinus infection or something like it) right afterward, but am not the only one. The parental units became ill as well, but that was from eating tainted peanut butter. I actually almost lost my voice and skipped classes b/c of it, but never went to the doctor. I may have to suck it up and go anyway, my stomach been bothering me lately. It's good for weight loss though! I'm sick of feeling sick and that over rules my severe distrust of doctors. But laying around all day does give one lots of time to ponder life and my goals.
People that used to go to the Daily Grind told me that they don't know why I'm not a culinary student or working at some nice restaurant. Not going to to this place anymore, I realized I don't like cooking all that much, not in the way required at many restaurants. I hated cooking at the daily grind- the same thing day after day, trying to make something the same way every time in 5-10 minutes, the embarrassment of knowing that not all things are as they appear and not in a good way. I like baking and cooking for family and friends, but I know that these people won't mind my experiments or occasional mistakes and will be honest about what works(I hope). To place this on strangers isn't something I take pleasure in and exhausts me in my constantly paranoid way.
Besides, my desire isn't cooking or even the teaching field I fight to enter(stupid transfer issues). I'm in love with the occult and the Goth culture in all its forms, it is the only thing I've found myself returning no matter the amount of time. Vampirism, witchcraft, voodoo, tarot cards, death as beauty, the outfits of corsets and ruffles and black, the shadow world I create for myself in which few others feel happy. Many of these few have a similar world, but still each has some differences. I find my goal in life to spend as much time in there as possible, and yet I feel like I will never know a damn thing about it. I guess I love it because it is elusive( I know that people already in this world don't think so, but, to an outsider looking in, it is). This is what happens when I lay around for several days.


and so... another turn of the screw

Figured I would use the book I've had to read for two different classes. It actually works for this particular blog too. My place of employment will close for good on Wednesday. There was just not any money left for the place to work. I'm soooo sick of hearing people say that they're sorry or asking where they are going to go for coffee. I think that, on the very last day, I'm going to tell every client that says something like that off.
Even classes bring something different for me. I'm trying to create a short story for creative writing after becoming used to either poetry or scripts. I would post the story up and ask for opinions, but it needs to be 15 pages. That and some part of me is scared of what people would have to say. People can be very cruel. English grammar has something I've never heard of- a sentence tree. Take a sentence, divide it into each grouping(verb phrase, noun phrase, and so on), then divide it even more until the sentence shows up at the bottom. I actually need to go and practice that activity.


greetings to the new year

Hope everybody is having fun with their classes. I think my semester will be interesting- 4 English type classes. I was scared about the English grammar class, but the teacher seems to understand the plight of us students in the American education system where grammar is not encouraged except as little red marks on paper with clueless looks as we try to figure out what the hell a comma splice is and how to fix it.
Creative writing is an hour long group therapy session with 11 other people I've never met before, but we must show our souls in writing. It's great though because there is a whole variety of people, from essay type people to poets to short story writers. The teacher is even trying to get a book of his poems published.
American Novel is taught by a person who compared the education system to George Orwell's 1984 government system. He makes it enjoyable to be in a class at 8 am.
American Lit 2 is the only class on MW and it is the most boring, book heavy classes I've ever had.
I would've had more, but the high amount of work from these classes and my parents telling me to get out of 2 classes( always listen to parents- almost anyway) caused my to drop 2.
Work is... work. They have reduced the number of people working to just 1 person and the boss-lady. I don't know how much I like that considering boss-lady will be bringing her baby in as well. Hopefully, it won't last too long before they hire another person or 2 for the day shift. I'm staying there because it's decent pay and I'm trying to save money for a trip to Italy.
I'm also trying to actually start living a healthier lifestyle, beginning with getting rid of the extra pounds. It's only the first week of this major effort, but I am doing little realistic things to reach the goal. I plan on having a very busy year.