Shut the fuck up...

...one day I'll have the ability to say it to my mom and the speed to run away. I just needed an outlet for the rage building up at this time.
I'm also having difficulty telling them the dreams I've been having. How exactly do you tell you parents you have a dream where you beat them to death and buried them in the dining room, but in the process of burying them in the dining room you found an empty box of cereal(cheerios) which brought up the memory of a blonde haired woman who did the same thing except it was to her children and husband. It was so fucking creepy. That's not the only dream dealing with them. Before yesterday's dream, I had a dream that we were at a festival and I was walking around, through flee markets and around a parade where gold coins were thrown. Anyway, I got to this bridge and my parents met me there in the white car, but an old guy was driving the car. My dad came out of the car and asked "where's fluffy?" She was below the bridge. She climbed out and a triangle formed- me, my dad, and Fluffy. Something is going to happen to my family. I need to understand everything, if it really means what I'm getting. I don't think I can stand waking up with tears another morning. LATER
SIDE NOTE TO KALAN: I meant that you were very happy, not that you would skip around.


A wierd update

A few entrees back(6/16 I think) I talked about a wierd dream taking place in the airport. Well it continued this morning( I fell asleep at 1:00). We went to France, and were playing around in an old house with chipping white paint and two or three floors. Everybody was there except lauren( don't know why, maybe an exception). We're going through the hall on the top floor. In one room Ashely( yes Ashely, from Japanese class) is sitting down playing a game with some people and Peter was like "that bitch , she got us in trouble last time." We almost weren't allowed to go on this trip because of what was going on in the room at the airport. Anyway, we went passed them into another room which was dark and creepy then into a room that was empty. Geimer was walking around with a cane that had a jewel on it(pimp cane?) and a game started with everybody stealing the cane from who ever had it. There was something about the room that made everybody strangely happy( Kalan and Quita were skipping). Something bad happened. A moment of great happiness then sudden and great pain. Sounds like a prediction, doesn't it? Not as good as Ms. Cleo,  but just as vague. LATER.


He's Here

Christian Manuel Rodriguez- Born 18 July 2004 at 2:50 am; Weight- 6lbs. 9oz.  19 in. long
He is a has the skin of his mother(but he may darken), the hair of his father(dark brown and forming curls), and blue eyes for right now. I'm going to see him the first week of August, which may be a problem depending on when Peter comes for a visit.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY QUITA!!!! I called her this morning, but nothing wrong with saying it again. I'll give you your gift when I see you. Sorry you had to work!
I got a 3 on the AP exam.
Fortune cookie thought: Don't count your chickens before they hatch. I'm fearing the rest of the week. Not so deep, but it's my thoughts. 


Third time's a charm

My sister-in-law is on her way to the hospital for the third time, this is my third attempt to write a blog entry, and this is my third day back in the office. Get the picture.

Well yeah, I think the doctors are going to get annoyed and force the baby out. My mom is on the phone interrogating my poor brother. I should help or something, but have no true experience. I'll update and invite everybody over to my house or something when he's born.

The true reason for the blog. I told my mom I would mention the receptionist job(mom job). It'll be open in August. Ron is pretty flexible. You would type, answer the phones, file, run errands, and be the first person people see when they walk on the door. You cannot cuss people out(fake happy), look like you have nothing to do, or play online games. If you want the job, leave a comment. I have mentioned it.
Next item, I WANT TO SEE THE GROUP! That's my birthday/leaving for college wish.

Fortune Cookie Thought: every person in the world has one person who thinks about them at least once a day.


My family's path

I've get to get this off my chest.
It deals with my family, go figure. I'm the freak of the family in so many ways!!!
The Explanation:
I have no problem having people eating meat around me. I just want a little support in my decisions. Don't ask if I want a bite of the hamburger. The answer is no. Also a warning would be nice for food that has had meat in it. For the second time, my dad has gotten me sick by giving me the food and taking out the meat, but not telling me(I avoid the kitchen when they're cooking out of being polite). My mom is like just eat it and there won't be any problems. They don't like change. There's the family path- get married young(before 25) join/marry a man in(for the women) a government agency, and have a baby soon after marriage. Everybody is in some form of Christianity and they can't live without meat, my uncle said he was going to be a vegetarian, but didn't last two hours(literally, my grandma made his favorite meat dish). I feel better with this realization. LATER.


Back from my brother's house. Didn't do much, I didn't even get time to be alone with Rob. This was the most annoying because that's when he tells me what he really thinks about everything going on. I know something is bothering him and that's bothering me. It's more than Christian, who's coming any day now, and the animals, he's distant. Maybe I'm reading too much into it.
I'm back to my research of everything supernatural and occult. I need something to fill my days. I feel something brewing, more than college and those changes. It bothers me, so I research other things to keep from thinking about it.::sighs::I don't know what else to do.
I want to go outside to watch the sunset and listen to the coming storm, but my parents are outside working and they will ask too many questions. They think any change in me is cause for worry. I want to go into the country, but during the night. I want to be swallowed by shadows and sit in silence. The shadows of the cave before it was touched by humans. I see it as it should be and shiver at the thought of perfection in darkness, or maybe ignorance. You can't see it, the dirt or evil or whatever it should be called, therefore it is perfection until the light and noise come. Does that make one perfect? Does that make one a nothingness? Does that make for another form of death? A death without dying. Stuff to ponder. I think and want too much. LATER.


In a few hours I will begin a six hour car ride with my parents to my brother's house. I could have gone to Panama City if I so chose, but my parents would like that too much. At my brother's house, they will be put to work cooking and helping in renovation projects. I will be allowed to lie around because I just get in the way. A useless creation.For the past two weeks I have been unable to leave the house 1) My car was put in the shop to try and get the air conditioner fixed and my parents needed their cars, 2)I had my wisdom teeth removed, 3) When the swelling finally went down on the right side of my face(only the right side became swollen),I twisted my ankle, 4) the swelling went down ankle, then the stuff to keep food out were removed and the doctor poked me in the gum and I may now have dry socket. It wouldn't have changed much, I always try to disappear during the summer. I thrive in isolation for some reason. Anyway I need to go pack. LATER