I have feelings of blah over the end of this year. Maybe if they are let out, they won't bother me as much and I can live life without so much worrying about the end of everything. Lately that's all that I've been seeing and thinking about. Looking at my parents and seeing that I have so little time, that they'll be 60 when I'm 40, that 1 day they won't be there. Or looking at my nephews and knowing that I won't be there for them 1 day.
Maybe it's just the blah I usually get towards the Christmas season, thinking about the eventual end of all of the excitement that built up over the last 2 months dying in much the same way as a bottle rocket that brings in the new year.
Maybe it's because I have this bad feeling that somebody in my family is about to die or after having feeling my grandma at Samhain. That feeling of fear over the fact that things must change, it's impossible to stay the same.
Maybe it's because I feel like I haven't done anything major with my life. I want to change the world, as does just about everybody else, I'm sure. But I feel no closer to that then most other goals in my life. Another year goes by and I wonder how few people would show up at my funeral should I die tomorrow or even how many people look at this blog.
Maybe it's because I don't have anybody to place my feelings onto, somebody that causes me to look forward to the next year with them or even the next day just to see them. To those who have this, be glad and hug and kiss the person every chance you can. Consider them the treasure that they truly are.
I feel better