Grrrrr...

I worked 13 hours yesterday. An hour of that time was spent setting up a catering at Jordan High School for a bunch of rich people trying to make themselves feel good because they donated less then 1% of their mass fortunes, which few of them actually made themselves, and they look down on me and the people that came with because we didn't dress in damn near ball gowns. I've never felt like a servant until I looked at the snooty looks, like the owners should've given them the food because they are rich and donated this money. I don't understand the concept of poor people having to pay for stuff, while rich people have it thrown at them or are begged to use it or wear it or whatever. The servant feeling didn't last long though. The ones who were also setting up made me laugh about the whole thing.
The rest of the time was spent at the restaurant working with girls who have never worked at the downtown location before, but they were cool to work with and helped a lot. They were sent home and I was going to go an hour later, but Elvis Wade, an Elvis impersonator, decided he wanted a midnight snack. He's a cool guy, he's not one of those that tries to be Elvis 24/7. By the time he leaves and everything is cleaned up, it's 1 in the morning. I go home and can't fall asleep until after 3 and my dad wakes me up to go out for mother's day breakfast at 8. I feel like my mom only had a lukewarm welcome to my mother's day gift because she thinks I bought it in basket form, which I've never done. I bought all the stuff for it, but made the basket in my own way. She holds homemade gifts up higher then bought gifts, especially for mom's day. Go figure.

Fuckin' Awesome!!!!

Renfest was great. It was nice to see Peter again. The most interesting Friday night I've had outside of work in a while and I was just watching the people make the costumes until all hours of the morning. I finally got my corset and a shit load of weapons.

I got home and finished up my bedroom and it's purple and black and spiffy. The black wall is a giant chalkboard, which every visitor must sign. Found out that my manager is a blacksmith and a leather smith and is willing to teach me how to make weapons and armor after he builds the forge he's been working on in his backyard. Elvis Wade(Elvis impersonator) is coming into Imbis Friday and Saturday, so the shop is going to busy. There's another catering job on Saturday along with the CSU graduation. Luckily, the shop is closed for mother's day, which is a good thing considering I won't have another day off until Memorial day weekend. I love this business though. I don't know why, but I do.

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Where's the luck?

I went to the emergency room yesterday for a steroid shot after an allergic reaction to something, though I don't know what. I figured the usual laundry detergent issue, so I had to buy some new stuff. My spots and hives are gone, but I constantly feel like I have a lump in my throat and the steroid makes me hungry. I'm not allowed into the gust room or my room until everything gets scrubbed out. It's a problem since I can't clean my room, can't stay in there for too long without getting the lump in my throat, so I'm banned to the living room until such time as the rooms can be cleaned. My dad is going to help me switch my room and the guest room, hopefully cleaning out whatever is causing the problem. Won't be able to do that until Monday(work issues). I feel bad b/c my parents just got back from their anniversary vacation and had to deal with me and my issues. My mom had to spend the night in the hospital again b/c of pancreas issues, but she's home and resting.
In other issues, my digital camera is broken, don't know how or why really, but it sux. I'll buy a new and better one eventually.
Good news is that 2 of my classes are over, 1 ends Monday and I have my last final Thursday morning. I'm going to miss the creative writing class though. There's a dinner with them on Tuesday and everybody wants to stay in touch and write poetry.
I even have the coolest schedule ever for the fall- Monday, Wednesday, Friday only. At least for now, until they finish fixing some of my problems. Poor advisers, I'm going in such a mixed up order, but even with the transfer and all the issues, I should be able to graduate December '08. Only a little behind schedule, but not bad.

Mom is home

My mom is doing fine and got out of the hospital on Wednesday. She only stayed in an extra day because she couldn't eat and became dehydrated. They don't know what was wrong exactly, but they are going to do more tests in a few weeks, just to make total sure that everything is back to normal. My brother brought the crew down and has been hanging out for the week. The boys are little firecrackers. My parents and I took them to Monkey Joes. I ended up being the one climbing through the tunnels chasing the little ones around and feel very achy today. My aunt has had either a cold or some allergies and hasn't really been around. My Uncle... has been a total asshole and I've lost every ounce of respect for him, which was barely there already. He disrespected my mom and her choice of doctors by questioning them relentlessly, my dad not trusting him to look out for my mom's best interests, and my other aunts and uncles by fighting them every time they asked him to back off. One aunt has said that her kids are not allowed to spend the night with him, for fear of getting his bad habits. He even managed to not only disrespect me and my abilities, but to make me feel gross by sitting next to him. In ten minutes, he managed to treat me like I didn't know how to use a search engine and insult half my friends by talking about wanting to beat up a gay guy he saw on t.v. just because the guy looked gay.

Damn it

My dad took my mom to the hospital at 10. He called me a half an hour ago to say that they are keeping her in the hospital for 24-48 hours. She was doing fine when I saw her at work, but she came home in pain. I'm sure most people have either seen or felt the pain I saw in her eyes. We've had a lot of issues with each other, a lot of issues, but she's my mom and I feel like I'm watching her fall apart. She's already needed her gallbladder removed and has had to go to the doctors every month for the past year at least.
Can't help but scream that this is bullshit. She took care of herself and lived a decently healthy life, while people who never gave a crap about their health have a clean bill. I know life isn't fair and all that crap, but it's not just her. My dad's been on pain medicine for years, which increases and decreases with the season, and has a metal rod in his neck. He's been going to the doctors more recently with feet and leg issues. My bro's has been going to the doctor a lot lately as well. He got a mysterious illness that the doctors say he shouldn't get at his age and they're worried it may sterilize him. In addition to his issues at home, his sis called at 2 in the morning and say that mom is in the hospital. He would've been pissed if I waited until morning and told him this started last night. I feel the same way, and am glad I'm home so I didn't have to get the call from dad while hours away. Still got a call, but it was to research possible conditions(wish I didn't, it set me more on edge).
The dog is still on steriods and antibiotics. I have to take her to the doctor sometime next week to see if she needs a refill.
No sleep for the Rodriguez family tonight. Maybe with all of this off my chest, rest will come. It's amazing how things can work in 12 hours. I'm suppose to go to work my last day tomorrow, but I don't feel up to it anymore.
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They left me alone for 45 minutes...

I start my new job on Monday.

Gah!

Just a quicky to say I got a job. Nobody in the kitchen knows English. Tips are good though and all mine. It's 5 minutes from my house. One girl has mad it her mission to make me speak fluent Spanish. It's during lunch time only for now, but can be switched to dinner on the weekend.

I got home and found an offer for another job. Everybody speaks English. The tips are shared. It's in the Columbus downtown area. They're nice Greek people and recommended me for another job when they didn't have an immediate opening. It's only open for lunch Monday-Saturday.

No clue what to do, but it feels good to have my options out of my head so the headache can stop.

Oh, for those who care and read this, renfest has been moved to April 28.
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Why do I bother?

I was told to present on Tuesday(today) in English Grammar and determined myself to get ready for anything and everything. The students tend to have a lot of questions. Well I was like, I'm not doing a thing until I knew the chapter, giving up Saturday (nerdcon) and part of Sunday(movie day) to this topic, which shouldn't have been so hard. Articles (yes- a, an, the) should not have so much to them! Go into class feeling all prepared and like I can answer anything given, and the group before me takes the entire fucking class period. Damn it the things was only suppose to be twenty minutes long, they take an hour and fucking fifteen minutes and I left knowing less than when I came in. They were presenting articles!!
In more annoying news, my bro can't come down until May now. Blood is thicker than water my ass. I am not getting anymore work done from him this is ridiculous. And they keep coming up with excuses. They don't have enough money to visit my family and fix something he didn't finish like he should've, but they've visited her grandparents 3 times since the whole tattoo thing started. This should've been finished before Christmas. They can't afford gas, yet they've gone to Myrtle Beach. I keep saying I won't get my hopes up this time, but I can't help but to hope. Is it too much to think that I go where I say I'm going and help when I say I'll help, so they should to.
I just wanna go to bed and forget these past 4 days and that I ever had hope.
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one day i'll move north- away from the freakish heat

Fluffy is acting like pup again. I'm glad it wasn't the food issue, her pickiness means that she hates the cuts in gravy food. Her stomach looks better now, too. The medicine is doing wonders which is good, we would've had to put her to sleep if it didn't work.
My bro is coming to finish my tattoo next week, which excites me greatly. I was going to get a corset piercing at the same time, but I decided not to at this time for 3 major reasons- 1. I need somebody to help clean it and my parents are going away for a week or so almost immediately afterwards 2. I can't sleep on my back and 3. I need to wear nearly backless shirts, which I only have 2 right now. Maybe in beginning of summer. Getting the tattoo done when they come down means it'll be scabby for renfest, but oh well. I'm excited about renfest and seeing people. It'll be nice to have a semi-filled house. Come if you have nothing to do.
Anyway, yesterday I read little notebooks I kept from CHS. All the students who went should know these books, the forced journal entries dealing with random topics on the whiteboard or music. Then I read the stuff I posted here and thought of things graduates said to me recently, those that barely knew me, not the group. Was I really such a creepy person on the surface and angry? I know I'm quiet and come off a little cold at time, almost hermit-like, but it's hard not to be.

Paranoia revealed

It's been an eventful day today, starting with midnight. I was brushing Fluffy because of boredom and looked at her stomach to see a strange lump, a weird patch of scabby skin, and bald spot. It was really scary to see and feel and, since it was midnight, I couldn't talk to anybody. I cleaned it up and decided to take her to the vets on Monday. She turned ten in October and I'm paranoid about her health, more so than even my own at times. Anything to keep the pup healthy.
Some good news came this morning, before my dad took me to see 300(which was really cool despite some inaccuracies that few would notice). My bro and his family plan on coming down in April, so I can finish my tattoo. I want to have it over with so bad and started on another, though I don't think my bro will be doing it. Maybe if it's small and a guarantee one shot deal. He also plans on renewing the wedding vows in June '08 on a beach in Destin. The scary thing is that his wife wants me to be the maid of honor. I don't even know what comes with the job. Do I have to do a "bachelorette party" since this is vow renewal? Do I have to do a speech? Oh gods, what do I say if this is so? What kind of dress will she pick? I know the color, it's going to be a black dress, but not the style. I hope she takes the advice I gave her seriously because I hold a mutiny if she picks a useless and ugly dress.

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Wanna be my friend?

Well, my spring break is almost over and, in the usual manner, it has been very quiet. Except for the storm the Thursday and weekend I spent at Lindsay's Statesboro apartment and with her theatre friends. They're all so cool and close to each other for the most part. I got to hang out at the waffle house on Friday and IHOP on Saturday after the show, which was about a Barbie brought to life by a toxic spill. I liked it in all its cuteness and funniness. We went to Savannah on Sunday and hung out at the mall and the flea market for a little bit. I got my dad a b-day gift. He loves it and plans on giving it a proper place very soon.
I came back to Columbus and thought about my lack of friends and realized I'm doing it again. The isolating thing, I need to join a group on campus and get involved in something. That helped my senior year in high school quite a bit, but it's going to end up that I wait to the last year again before trying to make some friends again. Don't get me wrong, I prefer having a few close friends then a bunch of acquaintances, tried that in one middle school and it ended up hurting more. I dunno, I think too much about these things I guess.
Later

*cough, cough* and thus I've spread my disease to the readers

Daily Grind closed it's doors in Columbus and I became sooo sick(sinus infection or something like it) right afterward, but am not the only one. The parental units became ill as well, but that was from eating tainted peanut butter. I actually almost lost my voice and skipped classes b/c of it, but never went to the doctor. I may have to suck it up and go anyway, my stomach been bothering me lately. It's good for weight loss though! I'm sick of feeling sick and that over rules my severe distrust of doctors. But laying around all day does give one lots of time to ponder life and my goals.
People that used to go to the Daily Grind told me that they don't know why I'm not a culinary student or working at some nice restaurant. Not going to to this place anymore, I realized I don't like cooking all that much, not in the way required at many restaurants. I hated cooking at the daily grind- the same thing day after day, trying to make something the same way every time in 5-10 minutes, the embarrassment of knowing that not all things are as they appear and not in a good way. I like baking and cooking for family and friends, but I know that these people won't mind my experiments or occasional mistakes and will be honest about what works(I hope). To place this on strangers isn't something I take pleasure in and exhausts me in my constantly paranoid way.
Besides, my desire isn't cooking or even the teaching field I fight to enter(stupid transfer issues). I'm in love with the occult and the Goth culture in all its forms, it is the only thing I've found myself returning no matter the amount of time. Vampirism, witchcraft, voodoo, tarot cards, death as beauty, the outfits of corsets and ruffles and black, the shadow world I create for myself in which few others feel happy. Many of these few have a similar world, but still each has some differences. I find my goal in life to spend as much time in there as possible, and yet I feel like I will never know a damn thing about it. I guess I love it because it is elusive( I know that people already in this world don't think so, but, to an outsider looking in, it is). This is what happens when I lay around for several days.
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and so... another turn of the screw

Figured I would use the book I've had to read for two different classes. It actually works for this particular blog too. My place of employment will close for good on Wednesday. There was just not any money left for the place to work. I'm soooo sick of hearing people say that they're sorry or asking where they are going to go for coffee. I think that, on the very last day, I'm going to tell every client that says something like that off.
Even classes bring something different for me. I'm trying to create a short story for creative writing after becoming used to either poetry or scripts. I would post the story up and ask for opinions, but it needs to be 15 pages. That and some part of me is scared of what people would have to say. People can be very cruel. English grammar has something I've never heard of- a sentence tree. Take a sentence, divide it into each grouping(verb phrase, noun phrase, and so on), then divide it even more until the sentence shows up at the bottom. I actually need to go and practice that activity.
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greetings to the new year

Hope everybody is having fun with their classes. I think my semester will be interesting- 4 English type classes. I was scared about the English grammar class, but the teacher seems to understand the plight of us students in the American education system where grammar is not encouraged except as little red marks on paper with clueless looks as we try to figure out what the hell a comma splice is and how to fix it.
Creative writing is an hour long group therapy session with 11 other people I've never met before, but we must show our souls in writing. It's great though because there is a whole variety of people, from essay type people to poets to short story writers. The teacher is even trying to get a book of his poems published.
American Novel is taught by a person who compared the education system to George Orwell's 1984 government system. He makes it enjoyable to be in a class at 8 am.
American Lit 2 is the only class on MW and it is the most boring, book heavy classes I've ever had.
I would've had more, but the high amount of work from these classes and my parents telling me to get out of 2 classes( always listen to parents- almost anyway) caused my to drop 2.
Work is... work. They have reduced the number of people working to just 1 person and the boss-lady. I don't know how much I like that considering boss-lady will be bringing her baby in as well. Hopefully, it won't last too long before they hire another person or 2 for the day shift. I'm staying there because it's decent pay and I'm trying to save money for a trip to Italy.
I'm also trying to actually start living a healthier lifestyle, beginning with getting rid of the extra pounds. It's only the first week of this major effort, but I am doing little realistic things to reach the goal. I plan on having a very busy year.
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End of Year thoughts

I have feelings of blah over the end of this year. Maybe if they are let out, they won't bother me as much and I can live life without so much worrying about the end of everything. Lately that's all that I've been seeing and thinking about. Looking at my parents and seeing that I have so little time, that they'll be 60 when I'm 40, that 1 day they won't be there. Or looking at my nephews and knowing that I won't be there for them 1 day.
Maybe it's just the blah I usually get towards the Christmas season, thinking about the eventual end of all of the excitement that built up over the last 2 months dying in much the same way as a bottle rocket that brings in the new year.
Maybe it's because I have this bad feeling that somebody in my family is about to die or after having feeling my grandma at Samhain. That feeling of fear over the fact that things must change, it's impossible to stay the same.
Maybe it's because I feel like I haven't done anything major with my life. I want to change the world, as does just about everybody else, I'm sure. But I feel no closer to that then most other goals in my life. Another year goes by and I wonder how few people would show up at my funeral should I die tomorrow or even how many people look at this blog.
Maybe it's because I don't have anybody to place my feelings onto, somebody that causes me to look forward to the next year with them or even the next day just to see them. To those who have this, be glad and hug and kiss the person every chance you can. Consider them the treasure that they truly are.
I feel better
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'sup?

Hope everybody had a happy thanksgiving and managed to avoid the mass chaos of the day after. I had a pretty good weekend hanging out with nephews and baking. I got a tattoo...kinda. It's only partially done right now. I'm going to get it finished in about 2 or 3 weeks. My bro is taking it slow so that he doesn't get tired and mess up. It's the most detailed tattoo he's done thus far. I'll post a pic as soon as it's done.

Bad days and wonderful nights

I don't know how long I can last in this job anymore. I think I'll quit right after Christmas. They wrote up my whole Friday shift because thing weren't properly prepped, but I know I had many things prepped. I don't get why they didn't write up all the employees, but they want to set an example with my shift, so that's how it's going to be. It just seems so wrong. And to top it all off, they told me this on my mom's b-day, which I worked on. They never say when people are doing well, or thank people when they stay late, or ask the high schoolers how they're doing in class and congratulate them for working and doing well in their classes. They never have a meeting just to say that everybody is doing great. I'd understand some big place where the shifts never really see each other, but everybody knows everybody here and has worked with everybody for a few minutes. I don't know, maybe it just proves that I shouldn't run a business. Well as the title says, days are crap, but the nights tend to be beautiful.
Yesterday was the best night since tnt nights and antiprom. D.J. And I hung out at the riverwalk on the Columbus side, then decided to feed the curiosity over what was on the Alabama side by going over there. We walked all the way to the amphitheatre and onto the stage to perform an impromptu show for the unseen that happened to be there. We tried a couple of different takes before figuring out the right form and running with it for an hour. Then we went to IHOP and had pancakes, then to a park to play on the swings, then we just drove around. All totaled. I was awake yesterday for 24 hours. It was great. Must do it again sometime.
whoa-this has been the most updates in a really long time.
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Restlessness settles in way too soon

Yesterday, I sat next to my parents for a total of 20 minutes, in two halves. They sent me out to the store almost as soon as I came in. Today I've spent maybe half an hour including dinner actually saying anything to them. I spent more time with them during the weekend while living in Statesboro then in any two weeks now. Or it seems that way. What's my point to all of this? It's time to go, I've stayed long enough and this isn't my home anymore. I would've been happier going to the same place everybody else went to instead of GS. Somehow, it makes me feel better to say this and not let it rot in my mind. Not like it matters, nobody reads this, so I can say whatever the hell I want.
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Don't even hint the "F"word to me!!!

It all started when I was about to get off of work today. A couple came and and used the restroom, together! (strike 1) They then came out and acted like they wanted to buy something, but complained about the prices and the nutritional aspect of eating treats found in any coffee shop across America. The husband left, but the lady stayed and said that we(meaning the owner) need to get some lowfat items in the case because the only thing she could eat was a lettuce leaf belonging to one of our sample sandwiches. The other workers and I had a brief chuckle at this, mostly because we thought she was kidding around. But no, she went off going on about her high blood pressure and medication(strike 2). Then she looked at me and said, "I'm not picking on you, but woman to woman you need to lose some of that weight." (strike 3!)She was about to go on, but one look in my eyes and the way I gripped the meager fake wooden door that separated us made her stop and say bye. Oh...I almost quit my job just to punch her, but no I clenched my jaw and glared at her, as she left and even as she got in her car. For those who don't know, I'm proud of the fact that I've gone down several pants sizes(almost a 22 down to 16), but this woman just assumed that I was fat and didn't care about my health. It ruined the day I had then, but I just want to say to her if she should happen to look upon this page one miraculous day: fuck you! I have no plans or desire to have some nursing home attendant change my diaper because I happen to live to a 100 or some shit. I'm going out and my epitaph is reading- loved food like a damn drug.凸(>.<)凸　
I feel better now
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Negative thinking isn't always bad

What is there to say about my life? I'm living at home with parents I rarely see because of work and classes. Classes are so easy, they're very dull( I have a 104 in Math, I suck at math, but the class is just that easy). I'm so bored, I'm teaching myself new stuff so I can actually feel like I'm learning something this semester. It's mostly dealing with herbs and incense. Maybe I'll make some to send to everybody for Christmas along with a big cake- a cookie cake with candy cane trees and a snowman. But it will be all black and orange, and the snowman will be holding his carrot nose like a weapon. "Merry Christmas"will be in bloody icing. Sounds delicious, but I'll have to be selective in who I send it to. Wonder who will see humor in it? I'll have to write it on the list...
Work is work. They had me closing two times this week for the first time in months. They have twice as many night people than day people literally- 3 for day, 9 for night, so I don't know what that was about. Anyhoo, it's too expensive for me to eat there every day even with the 50% off, so I take my own food or starve. It's worked out well though. I'm down a pants size. Yep, though I work in a coffee shop with ice cream and fatty bakery stuff, the weight went poof. I had to say that again because I find it so hard to believe. I expected to be so big by the end of college, especially after moving back home, that friends would have to do an intervention or I would need some surgery just to live.
14 days(excluding today) until Halloween. Get the candy ready!!!Seems to go againsst my goal, but I don't care!!! Besides a variety bag never hurt anybody.
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